Disclaimer: This post is intended for adults.
My eclectic holiday scene.
I have a slightly different approach to Santa than the traditional American family. I am sharing it here in case it resonates with other parents. Please know that my thoughts and opinions are by no means the “right” way to do things, just the way that works for me and my family. I do not judge any other approach. You and your spouse are the only ones who know what is best for your family.
The big headlines are that I don’t lie to my child about the existence of Santa Clause and I don’t place emphasis on naughty or nice behavior. Now, this might sound extreme, but if you read on, you’ll see that actually very little is different.
What We Still Do
Decorate the house for the holiday
Make Christmas cookies
Get into the Christmas spirit by bringing gifts and donations to others
Celebrate Christmas with family and friends (via zoom because it’s 2020)
Enjoy time off from work and other obligations to have more time for each other
Give each other gifts on Christmas morning
Listen to Christmas music
Create Christmas crafts
Create Christmas “magic” in the good energy of the season
Know of Santa as a character
Honor and respect the way others celebrate the season
My Alternative Approach to Santa Goes Like This
Talk about Santa as a character. Santa is a wonderful character to celebrate. We have books that feature Santa and we see him in some holiday movies. We have a Santa hat. We’ll cheer Ho Ho Ho! It is fun to enter the world of pretend. Just as we read and talk about Lightening McQueen, we will do the same with Santa. We can act out scenes from books or movies the way we would with other characters. Santa is a positive, jolly character we talk about during the holiday season.
Answer questions honestly. (But have fun with it. No Grinch here.) If my son asks me questions like “Does Santa really go to every house on Christmas night?” I might say back “Does that seem possible to you? No. That wouldn’t be possible. Do you want to pretend we are in Santa’s sleigh and drop a present at each room in our house? Let’s see how long it takes us just to do that.” If he asks, “Does Santa really come down the chimney?” I will answer him honestly, perhaps with something like “No, that seems pretty dangerous, but it is fun to pretend that he does. Let’s see how high we can jump to see if we’d be able to reach the top of the house!” Notice I said if my son asks me, I by no means plan to be a Grinch with each story and add in commentary to say it’s not true. That takes the fun away of getting into the story. The key is honesty when a kid is seeking to understand something, to set boundaries of truth and fiction. It’s fun to play fantasy, and live rooted in reality.
My son is currently three years old and I feel no need to proactively tell him that Santa is not real. When the questions start to come as he gets old, I will ensure that he understands that other kids may have been told that the story is true, not a fable, and therefore, we have to respect that and not ruin their fun.
It probably goes without saying that Elf on the Shelf is also not something I will do with my son. The idea that Santa or Elf on the Shelf are watching you at all times is totally creepy and inappropriate to me. “He sees you when you’re sleeping; he knows if you’re awake…” not in my house.
My goal is to celebrate the season with joy and giving. The focus, for us, is not on getting on the nice list to receive elaborate or flashy gifts, but appreciating what we have and receive.
Why This Approach is Important to Me
Trust. I don’t like the idea of lying to my child.
Reality. We stay pretty grounded in reality around here. We play pretend, of course, but my son has a healthy understanding of what is real and what is fake and I just don’t think he would buy any of the big ideas anyway.
My Love is Unconditional. It doesn’t sit well with me that my child has to prove he’s on the nice list to get presents. Gifts are one expression of love and my love for him is unconditional. I don’t want him to live in fear of doing something wrong and therefore not getting to celebrate Christmas morning. I want him to act well because it is the right thing to do. This is something I teach him all year long, not just in December. Being kind is always our goal.
Income Inequality. The idea that Santa brings some kids a motorized Jeep and some kids a dollar store trinket Jeep is not lost on me. Some parents handle this by saying that the large gifts are from Mom and Dad or other family members and have Santa bring a smaller gift or the stocking so that is another approach to help with the inequity.
Mall Santas. I am not on team Mall Santa. I don’t like the idea of my child sitting on a stranger’s lap. A toddler waiting in line a while is never a great idea. Most children instinctively don’t want to sit on the stranger’s lap and we ask them to anyway. They are actively being told in that case to not follow their instincts.
A Phrase Guide for Family and Friends
Instead of saying “Are you excited for Santa to come?” Try “Are you excited for Christmas?”
Instead of saying “What are you asking Santa for for Christmas?” Try “What presents are you hoping to get for Christmas?”
Please don’t say things like “Are you being nice this year so Santa will bring you lots of presents?” or “Make sure to stay off the naughty list!”
Reach out!
Does this approach resonate with you? I’d love to hear why. Are there other traditions or similar ways you approach the holiday in your family? I’d love to hear them. Comment below or send me a private message.
