Listen, holidays are hard for everyone and adding the extra challenge of a restricted diet can be challenging for sure. Below are a few tips for navigating large group meals.

(And, if you’re cooking for a vegan or vegetarian, you can also check out my recent blog post on How to Cook for a Vegan During the Holidays which includes easy substitutions to veganize meals and tips on how to approach the holiday.)

Ideas to make the Big Meal a Little Less Scary

1. Offer to Bring a Main Dish - Assuming you are not hosting, reach out to the host and offer to bring a main dish that can be shared with everyone. This is a tip I learned from Ellen Fisher and I love how she emphasizes that this method is super inclusive. Plus, if nothing else is vegan / vegetarian, at least you have a main dish to eat.

2. Offer to Bring a Few Sharable Appetizers or Side Dishes - Again, emphasis on shareable sizes and enough for you to feel satisfied.

3. Or, Bring your Own Meal - Another option is to bring your own meal entirely. I used to do this and on occasion, still do. It works, but it can be a bit awkward and isolating compared to options 1 and 2.

4. Don’t forget about dessert. Save for some apple pies or crumbs, it’s doubtful that any holiday desserts are vegan. But the good news is, these two are easy to make. And, the Costco Apple Pie is vegan and humongous.

5. Pack a Snack - If you aren’t comfortable bringing your own food or a shareable dish and want to try to go incognito, I highly recommend packing a few high calorie snacks that you can eat to fill up. For me, mixed nuts is my go to. I used to carry a few bars in my bag, always. Truthfully, they stayed there usually until they became mushed from living at the bottom of my bag, but when I needed them, they were so helpful to prevent any hangry feelings. These days, there typically are vegan options easily accessible (even if this means on the car ride home) but I know that’s not the case in some areas and in some families.

6. Communicate with the Host - Let the host know ahead of time that you are vegan or vegetarian. I find it helpful to talk ahead of time and ensure that they do not need to make anything differently for you but that you would appreciate knowing which dishes are vegan / vegetarian safe. If the conversation goes there, assure them that you are not judgmental of their food choices and are comfortable with everyone else eating as they choose. If you are not, shared group meals may not be a great environment for you.

7. If asked, share tips on how to veganize meals. - I don’t usually offer these up unless a host asks. It is usually super simple to switch to olive oil instead of butter to sauté vegetables or to use vegetable stock instead of chicken or beef stock. Not everyone is up for making a homemade cashew cream but most will happily add a non-dairy cheese to a charcuterie board (I recommend Tree Line Scallion Soft Nut Cheese) or set aside a small portion of a dish before adding cheese or other dairy on top.

8. Host a Meal Yourself - I used to think that I had to provide non-vegan or vegetarian options as a host and this is something I now completely dismiss. I’ve hosted two vegan kids’ birthday parties now and they’ve gone great. To be honest, I am not sure that anyone even noticed.

9. Share Recipes - Year round, I encourage you to share recipes you love with your friends and family. Vegan and vegetarian dishes don’t have to be just for those who eat this way exclusively.

10. Conversation - Avoidance is not my typical advice. While I do love talking about veganism, I recommend avoiding the topic at the dinner table. It’s awkward and really not the place for the discussion. If it comes up, try an easy response like this one: “I’d prefer to chat later on if you’re interested in following up.”

11. Have Compassion - At the heart of veganism is compassion. Compassion for the animals, for the environment, for your health. Whatever your motivator, it’s usually fueled by passion and love. I encourage you to have that same compassion for every single person at your holiday dinner table. Yes, it’s hard. Try it anyway. Know that everyone is doing their best. They may not see things the same ways you do and that’s okay. Love them anyway.

12. That Includes For Yourself - If you eat something that goes against your plan, forgive yourself. And know, it gets easier. I used to struggle with the transition from vegetarian to vegan at large meals. I was tempted. I found my “why” for going vegan and truly am no longer tempted. I’ve since learned about Intuitive Eating and it really resonates with me. For me, eating a vegan diet is what I intuitively want to eat.

13. But, Don’t Give in to Peer Pressure - Recognize when you have your own desire to eat something - that’s fine! You do you. But don’t let others bully you into eating their way. Know that all those jokes and taunts are coming, most likely, because your action calls into question theirs as well. They may interpret your not eating meat and dairy as offensive to their deep seeded family traditions or their upbringing. Remember, this is not personal to you, but to them. And, I’ve found that many people are actually not comfortable with their choice to eat meat or dairy when they actually sit with the idea and this comes up in a lot of ways, often directed at you. Armor up with love and strength. You got this.

The Most Important Part

Spending time with the people you love is the most important part. Don’t let the meal be bigger than it is. Yes, you need to be nourished but this doesn’t have to be more elaborate than that.

I highly encourage you give compassion a chance. Talk with your family at another time if you’d like to share your veganism.

Know that you are heard by so, so many people. They may or may not be at your dinner table.

I hope that you have a safe, happy, healthy holiday this season.

Please know that you are loved.